We have had huge misunderstandings in our marriage. Times when one of us would say or do something out of our own foolishness, pride or selfishness, and then the other would interpret the message to mean something it was not intended to mean. Continue reading
How did we go from having a really bad marriage for twenty years to a marriage that has become everything we had hoped for? Well first of all, it took God’s grace, some counseling, and a lot of work. But along the way we discovered something very powerful, something we had lost through all of the fighting and communication breakdowns, we discovered how to be friends again. And the truth is we discovered how to be friends in a way we had never been before.
A funny thing happened along the way as we were making plans to split up for the last time. It was the night before Thanksgiving when we had our last big argument that ended with “we will just get a divorce.” But by the next day as we worked on the details of what we would do, we made a plan to wait until after Christmas and our son’s birthday in late December. It was then that we started behaving like mature adults. We were both hurting and we were sad, but we started to cherish our last remaining days together. Continue reading
How does it feel when you want your spouse to understand you? To understand the reason behind the way you think or feel. They may not agree with you. Their opinion may be different from yours. But you want them to at least understand your perspective. You want them to understand why you see things the way you do. What you want is for them to have empathy.
In this final post on the series Getting That Stubborn Stain Out. We will deal with the letter E from COFHE. We have used this acronym to deal with commitment, ownership, forgiveness, hope, and now E for Empathy.
As you may remember I took this acronym COFHE from the teachings of Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. In their book, “I love you more,” they said, “Research has shown that 90 percent of our struggles in marriage would be resolved if we did nothing more than see that problem from our partner’s perspective. Empathy is the heart of love.” Continue reading
The words we speak everyday are the ones that make all the difference in marriage. We can use our words to create and build a beautiful relationship, or we can use our words to diminish the beauty and eventually destroy the very thing we have given our lives to. We get to choose how we frame our world by the words we use.
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21(NLT) Now, that verse says a lot all by itself. I have quoted it for a long time, but this version gives a fresh perspective. We do reap the consequences of life or death from the words we speak. And sometimes from the words that are left unspoken. Continue reading
We all know that communication is one of the most common problems in marriage, or any relationship for that matter. But couples we meet often have some basic misunderstandings of what communication is and what it takes to improve it.
What is good communication?
First of all, communication in a marriage is more than just the basic exchange of information. It is how two people share heart to heart with each other. It is the place where real intimacy is developed. Someone once broke down the word intimacy to mean IN TO ME SEE. That’s what good communication does in a marriage, it allows you to see into each other’s heart. Continue reading
Everyone knows the most common problem in a relationship is a communication problem. That was certainly the case for us all those hard years we went through. And when we finally overcame all of the trouble and pain, it was through the process of talking things through. Continue reading
Recently I began to notice how often I had heard the phrase “let me unpack this.” Usually coming from my pastor or some other speaker, meaning let me explain it in more detail so that you will understand.
So I began thinking, how often do we think this way when it comes to communicating with our spouse? Do we carefully unpack what we are thinking and feeling. Paying careful attention as we bring out one item at a time and placing it where it belongs? Or do we unload everything with emotional force and furry, without regard to who will get hurt? Continue reading
We used to command them to shut up and sit still, but it seemed they just could not obey our commands.
Then one day we learned that the reason for their behavior was that they are feeling anxious when they see unfamiliar people around them.
Now when they get that way, we do two things to address it: Continue reading