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Messages without words are being sent to our spouse everyday; sometimes they’re good messages and sometimes they’re not. And very often we are sending messages we never intended to send.

 

We have had huge misunderstandings in our marriage. Times when one of us would say or do something out of our own foolishness, pride or selfishness, and then the other would interpret the message to mean something it was not intended to mean.

 

Here are a few questions for you to consider about the message you’re sending.

If you refuse to talk about important issues with your spouse, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you shut down and walk away from a conversation, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you freely discuss your life with friends or family and you don’t with your spouse, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you say hateful or critical things to your spouse, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you speak negatively about your spouse in front of others, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you will not do things around your home to help out, what’s the message you’re sending?

If the only time you show interest in your spouse is when you want sex, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you spend too much time at work or on a hobby and neglect your marriage, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you try to control what your spouse does or says, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you never want to spend any money on your spouse, what’s the message you’re sending?

If you do not support your spouse’s dreams, what’s the message you’re sending?

Communication is very important, but often we are not aware of the message we are communicating beyond the words we say. We have heard the old saying, “actions speak louder than words,” but do we really believe it? Do we keep our words and our actions in line with the message we want to send to our spouse? 

How often have we ourselves taken certain actions or words to heart and thought, why would they do that? Or why would they say that? Very often we assume the meaning to be much more than what was intended. We think “she doesn’t respect me,” or “if he loved me he wouldn’t do that.” We begin to feel rejected and in turn we build up our walls of defensiveness. And from behind our walls of defense we make even more assumption of the intended message that is being sent.

These are just a few thought-provoking questions we have discovered from our own experiences. Maybe you can think of some other questions that come from your experiences.

The important thing is, stop and consider; What’s the Message You’re Sending?

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