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The words we speak everyday are the ones that make all the difference in marriage. We can use our words to create and build a beautiful relationship, or we can use our words to diminish the beauty and eventually destroy the very thing we have given our lives to. We get to choose how we frame our world by the words we use. 

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Prov.18:21(NLT) Now, that verse says a lot all by itself. I have quoted it for a long time, but this version gives a fresh perspective. We do reap the consequences of life or death from the words we speak. And sometimes from the words that are left unspoken.

I wonder sometimes if we really comprehend the value of our words. Do we understand the power that comes with what we say? God created us in His image which means, like Him we have the power to speak words into our world and the words we speak can have a lasting impact on our lives and the lives of those around us. We can speak words that build up or we can speak words that tear down. It’s our choice. And you better believe, as the verse says, we will reap the consequences

Very often in marriage we lose site of this truth. Somehow we let down our guard and we use words that hurt feelings and even attack the very character of our spouse. In times of frustration or stress we use words we later regret. Or we get complacent with our relationship and we neglect to use words that will lift them up and let them know how valuable they are to us. In both ways our marriage suffers from the way we use our words. Blow after blow our marriage suffers like a building that is struck time after time with a wrecking ball. Until our spouse becomes so beaten down, their only hope for survival is to find a way of escape. They will either turn to their own coping mechanism, or they will leave the marriage completely.

I know because I was the guilty one who continually struck my wife with words that wounded her character and unspoken words that left her feeling abandoned. Until she felt her only hope was to escape the misery of our marriage. The odd thing was I didn’t always use wrong words. Very often I would say things that were meant to build her up and strengthen our relationship. But I remember her saying on many occasions that what I said was confusing to her. One minute I would speak life-giving words and then the next minute I would speak harmful words. I did not realize my words had no integrity.

I wonder even now sometimes, have we lost the integrity of our words, where we mean what we say and we say what we mean? Do we live everyday with an understanding that our world (marriage, family,) is held together with our words? As I stated already, we were created in God’s image. If we take that as seriously as we should, we have to also recognize this truth. Heb. 1:3 says “…He sustains all things by His powerful words…” It is by the integrity of His word that continues to hold all of creation together. If God ever went back on His word, or did anything that compromised the word He has spoken then everything would fall apart.

This is how serious I believe He wants us to be about the words we speak. We should examine ourselves and how we use our words so that we can be proactive and intentional. Our lives, our marriage, our families, our own part of this world depend on our words to hold it together.

In summary:

  • Speak only words that build up and produce life. – Even if you can only think of one good thing to say to and about your spouse, focus on that. That’s called the 100 to 1 rule, 100% focus on the 1 good thing.
  • Mean what you say, and say what you mean. – Speak words that build up and don’t contradict what you say by speaking the opposite at a different time. And don’t just throw out random flowery words that have no substance.
  • Be true to your word. – Let the words you speak reflect who you are and stand by what you say. A godly person “swears to his own hurt and does not change.” Ps. 15:4
  • Create the marriage you want with your words. – God created with words, we can too. God also calls those things which are not as though they were, we can too. If we want a great marriage we can speak the words that will bring it about.
  • Speak to others about your spouse the same way you speak to your spouse, in an uplifting, life-giving manner.
  • When you fail, (as we all do) be quick to make it right. – Forgiveness is essential in every marriage. We all need the grace of the Lord to behave and speak in a way that will bring Him glory.
  • Never make excuses for using hurtful words. – Bad moods, that time of the month, stress from the job, stress over money or children, or whatever the reasons are, we cannot use excuses to justify our wrong.

There is a lot that can be said about our words. Consider leaving us a comment and let us know your thoughts on this topic.