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Everyone knows the most common problem in a relationship is a communication problem. That was certainly the case for us all those hard years we went through. And when we finally overcame all of the trouble and pain, it was through the process of talking things through.

During those difficult years it would have helped if we could have received some sound advise on how to communicate. Like the advise Chip Ingram gives from his radio show “Living on the Edge.” Often he gives the advice to approach your communication problem with three questions.

First, here’s how it works.

Choose a private time and place for at least thirty minutes, maybe once a week and when possible twice a week until you have developed good communication skills.

This is a time for one person to ask the questions while allowing the other to answer uninterrupted until they have finished. If needed you can use a pencil or any other object that the one speaking gets to hold and as long as they are holding it they are not to be interrupted. For the person who is listening, do everything you can to listen without interrupting. Use only words or gestures that encourage your spouse to keep going.

Begin by asking the first question and when your partner is finished answering, they in return ask the same question. Then move on to the second question and then the third.  Example: Husband asks the question, wife answers. Then wife ask the same question and husband answers.

1st question:     What are you concerned about? (What troubles you, what worries you?)

2nd question:    What do you wish? (What would you like to see happen?)   

3rd question:     What are you willing to do? (What steps can we take?)

Finally one last thought. The word of God teaches us that His design for marriage is that we leave all others and cleave to each other creating oneness in our relationship. Communication is a part of this cleaving to one another to become one. So when faced with some difficulty, pray and ask God for His help and His presence during your talk. Let His peace rule in this important time you take together.

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