“It takes two to make a marriage,” was the words I heard that were meant to ridicule me for the way I had treated my marriage. And in fact, those words did strike a nerve with me. Those words did remind me of how much I had failed my marriage. I was the one who still wanted to be married, but I really had no idea what it took to “make a marriage.”
For me, as long as I worked to provide and come home every night to my wife and children, that qualified me as a good husband. As long as I would stay committed to never leave my family, that qualify me as a good husband.
I didn’t physically abuse my wife and kids, I didn’t gamble, I didn’t abuse drugs or alcohol. In all the ways that I observed other people’s marriages failing, I made sure to not make those mistakes. My dream was to stay married for life and as far as I knew, I was doing things the way I should.
It actually took a few more years and a fourth trip down the road of nearly loosing my marriage before I finally started to understand what it took for “two to make a marriage.”
- I learned that love is something we should show and not just say. My wife has a love language and I had to learn how to speak it.
- I learned that a marriage requires nourishment. It should always be growing and never to be a place where we have arrived.
- I learned that it was ok for us to be different in many ways. Our differences are there to compliment each other, not to combat each other.
- I learned that marriage is about oneness, a fusion of what use to be two people and has now become one. A single identity that we both share.
Marriage is not what we do – it is who we are. If I were to lose my wife today, I would not only lose the woman I love, I would also lose who we are together.
Easy step number one: Don’t quit, a great marriage is just ahead. Easy step number two: Give up your singleness and be joined together.
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