Recently I began to notice how often I had heard the phrase “let me unpack this.” Usually coming from my pastor or some other speaker, meaning let me explain it in more detail so that you will understand.

So I began thinking, how often do we think this way when it comes to communicating with our spouse? Do we carefully unpack what we are thinking and feeling. Paying careful attention as we bring out one item at a time and placing it where it belongs? Or do we unload everything with emotional force and furry, without regard to who will get hurt? 

I remember when my wife and I had a lot of issues in our marriage and we lacked communication skills. We had things on our minds and deep feelings to go with it, but in our attempt to convey our message it would usually end up coming out as unloading on each other. Neither of us ever meant to hurt each other, we just didn’t know how to “unpack” what we were trying to say.

Whenever we are unpacking anything we are using three basic skills; we identify, we separate, and we organize. With patience we can do the same with communication.

  • We can give clear identity to the topic or issues we want to discuss.
  • We can separate the different elements of the issue.
  • We can organize according to importance and put the details of what we are communicating in the proper place.

So, next time you have something you need to talk about with your spouse or anyone else, don’t just unload it, unpack it!!